We’ve all seen those scenes in movies and TV shows where the mother is pressuring her daughter to have children. Usually the mother character will guilt her daughter by saying something like, “You’re not getting any younger you know,” or, “All I want is to be a grandmother. Why are you taking that from me!”
These scenes can be funny-unless of course you have to live them in real life. And sadly, many women do live these scenes on a daily basis. If they’re not getting pressure from their mothers about having kids they may be getting it from others. But this pressure is far from helpful.
Not All Women are Cut Out for Motherhood
As a therapist, I have heard all kinds of stories about the relationships people have had with their mothers. Of course all mothers are human beings, and as such all mothers are going to make some mistakes.
But sadly, many women who know that they do not want children but have them anyway them due to outside pressure often find that they do not enjoy motherhood very much at all. This can result in suffering for all involved, as this is often difficult to hide from even young children. For instance, children may notice things such as their mothers seeming sad or angry a lot of the time, or not being interested in playing with them. Some adults even have painful memories and ongoing feelings that their mothers gave up wonderful lives to have them and regretted it.
The truth is that not all women are meant or suited to be mothers-and even if they are they have the right to choose not to be. There was a time when women didn’t really have a choice but to follow the traditional path of getting married and having 2, 3, or more kids. But times have changed and women do have a say now about what kind of life they would like to live.
Pressuring women to fit into a specific mold and have children just because society deems this as the “right” life path is simply wrong. All that does is create families who become broken.
Speaking to Someone Can Help
Are you “of a certain age” and feeling pressured by friends and family to have children? Do you feel overwhelmed? It can really help to have someone in your corner that can help you decide what is right for you personally. A therapist can help you understand clearly what your needs are. He or she can then help you set up boundaries with others so that your needs are met.
If you’d like to speak with someone, please get in touch with me.